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    Hi, all - my name is Chrystal. My husband had ESRD and Cirrhosis. He's been on dialysis for nearly 2 years now. His health has been so poor that he just recently had his fistula surgery, but it didn't 'take' so he has to go back and have it fixed. Earlier this year, he was doing really well, following all the rules, etc, but lately seems (to me) to have given up. He still goes to dialysis, etc and goes through all the motions, but severe depression has definitely set in. He is starting to recognize that, and has talked about getting help, so I'm thankful for that much. I am in the 'anger' stage of grief - both at the situation and at him (if I'm being honest). It's just difficult all around. We are mid-40's, and I am healthy (thank goodness), so I do what I can to help him and try to keep his spirits up, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can't do this for him-he needs to be on board with making the effort to improve his situation. So, I am joining this group in the hope of hearing from others out there who are living with a kidney patient. Any tips or guidance on resources would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

  • #2
    Hi Chrystal .... you do seem to have much on your plate to try and take care of yourself while supporting your husband. I'm sorry I really don't know much about dialysis as I'm fluctuating between gfr 3/4 with one kidney.

    I can only go from my own experiences with depression...many times up and down into the 'worm hole' where much is dark until I manage to pull myself up into the light again. It's not easy. There are three things I can tell you I try to do...find purpose and meaning in my life, eat a good diet that I"ve been given by a nutritional renal dietitian, and exercise. I don't take anti depressants because I read somewhere that they don't do much with ckd...not sure about dialysis.

    I know this is not person to person, I do hope there will be something in this web page that will help you.

    Perhaps at the dialysis center they can advise you about local groups for spouse caretaker, or maybe call your local hospital. Again from my experience, I've had ''burn out" by extending too much energy. My gfr has gone down, my diet went off course and I wasn't drinking fluids as I should have been doing. What I've done is to to Al-anon to learn how to make health boundaries, detaching with loving the person, yet not getting caught up in their emotions. It's not easy At All...being social is not easy for sit and listen more than speak. I'm learning how to 'not do' unless asked, to 'not give advice' unless asked and to take care of myself before I start to take care of the other son.

    If you have any questions, please post and I'll do what I can to help.

    Take care, ml


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