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Tired of Dialysis -- Feel like I can't do this anymore

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  • Tired of Dialysis -- Feel like I can't do this anymore

    I have been on dialysis since July 2018. I am so tired of sitting there every other day, unable to stand up, move my arms or simply go to the bathroom. The nurses and techs do nothing to help. The lidocaine does not numb the area and every treatment hurts like hell. If you move your arm, an alarm goes off. Just when you get near the end they have to change the bicarb and you are stuck in that chair for another 10 minutes and then you have to wait another 30 minutes to be unhooked. I'm not enjoying life and I am angry all the time. I didn't ask for kidney cancer or end stage renal disease (no one does). I just want it all to end. I feel like I don't want to be here anymore.

  • #2
    I know you didn't ask for any of this, but I can tell you it gets better. I have now been on Dialysis for 20 months, and at about month 6 I too was ready to just "be done" with all of it. I talked with the Social Worker at my clinic (who has since left after having a baby) and since then have treated dialysis as a part time job that I never applied for, don't get paid for, and can't quit! This attitude has helped me stay committed to treatment (not missing any) and makes it easier to tell people about my treatment.

    If you are still going through treatment for the cancer I know that can also impact your life. My experience with chemo was more difficult than dialysis!! Please keep fighting- it really does get better. Feel free to drop me a message if you want to talk more!

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Itzchel View Post
      I have been on dialysis since July 2018. I am so tired of sitting there every other day, unable to stand up, move my arms or simply go to the bathroom. The nurses and techs do nothing to help. The lidocaine does not numb the area and every treatment hurts like hell. If you move your arm, an alarm goes off. Just when you get near the end they have to change the bicarb and you are stuck in that chair for another 10 minutes and then you have to wait another 30 minutes to be unhooked. I'm not enjoying life and I am angry all the time. I didn't ask for kidney cancer or end stage renal disease (no one does). I just want it all to end. I feel like I don't want to be here anymore.
      I'm sorry that you have to go through what you are going through for now! I can only say that I've been through the same thing for several months and can say that I have most of my life back and that it gets better with time and understanding your treatments. Its a necessary process that you can't give up on. When you dont feel like getting up GET UP! I am on a 10 1/2 hour treatment 7 days a week and I go to work for almost 10 hours 5 days a week. Once my treatments over in the morning instead of staying in the bed like most do. I GET UP and go to work every day! My Coworkers and BOSS ask me why don't I just medically retire? I tell them I can't! Its not in me to let this beat me! I didnt ask for this, but I have it for now and I choose life! Hopefully this will motivate you a little to just live? I work in a prison as an Administrator of 659 offenders in my area and a facility of 1856 convicted felons if I can go in there every day and work you can GET UP! STAY 💪

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      • #4
        I have been on hemo dialysis for 14 years and I still hate it every single time. It is ruining my health by giving me high blood pressure and Afib. My fistula has, thank God, been working all these years but my hand is numb. My back is wrecked from sitting all that time. I have been turned down for transplant at 3 different centers. I wonder how long one can live on dialysis? My doctor said forever s long as I can take it. The only thing left to do is quit and die. I can't see losing my kids and Grandkids and they don't want to lose me so I go.

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        • #5
          I've been on dialysis since 2011. At the beginning it was rough, but it gets better if you listen and practice what your care team is telling you. Watching your diet, getting some exercise and not missing your treatments will make things go smoother. Keep with it!

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          • #6
            Hello my name is Ramona, I have been on dialysis since January 2017, It has been a journey, I can tell you that. Please don't ever get discouraged to give up, It does get better. The procedures in itself is extremely difficult, But it does help us to continue living. I am going to finally take responsibility for my own actions, Disobedience with Diabetes for 20-30 years has paid off, didn't listen then but must listen now. Someone.once said that Life is what you make of it,you, oh how I understand that now. They taught us in middle school about decent eating habits, portion control, exercise, but I didn't listen, oh how I look forward to see the dietician now, they really helps. You cant be stuck in your ways, must be open to ..listen, learn, and obey, It does pay off

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            • #7
              Have you looked into home Dialysis that would give control of things and no one to ***** about

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              • #8
                I started dialysis February 2018 and I'm in stage 5. I'm beginning to understand what going on. My latest challenge is phosphorus. I don't know how to use my binders. I also have extreme itching. I'm 78 years old and a transplant isn't possible.

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                • #9
                  Dear jcantre If you put food in your mouth put a binder with it look on lable to see how many, mine is 3

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                  • #10
                    Dear Itzchel, I can relate to your affliction and could offer sympathy. However I have something of much greater value truth, hope and encouragement for you and each reader of this post. You are Gods creation, you are not a mistake, and God wants to heal you of everyone of your afflictions. God does not afflict us, every one of Godís plans for your life is fo give you hope and a future even to prosper you in all areas of your life. Our enemy the devil only comes to steal, kill and destroy. If something is good in our lives itís of God. On the other hand if itís affliction, disease or lack itís all of the devil. Jesus overcame every work of Satan with His Own shed blood and resurrection from the dead. The Bible tells us that ďby His stripes we are healedĒ. That happened over 2000 years ago and holds true today! We donít earn healing, we can not buy it yet itís ours still today. Jesus did it all for us and nothing will ever change this truth. Miracles are for today! If you have never had this shared with you before do not disqualify yourself and receive no shame, there is always hope no matter what diagnosis or affliction you may be dealing with now. Jesus came to earth and did what he did so we could have life and and have it more abundantly. Suffering with any affliction is NOT part of Godís goodness for your life, He wants you to be well. There are many ways that God will heal us, I sincerely encourage you to approach God and ask Him to heal you even request a miracle. He knows everything about you, even that you are reading this post. God is the Creator of the entire world including you, He is also the Healer and it is not about being healed when you get to Heaven. We are to have on earth as it is in Heaven NOW, as Jesus taught his followers to pray 2000 years ago, itís still valid today! I pray this helps, their is so much more to share. The main thing is what Jesus did for all of us on the Cross. Remember Jesus came and died so we could have an abundant life. Accept this truth and continue discovering All OF GODS GOODNESS AND LOVE FOR YOU! There is no end to Godís goodness and eternity will confirm this truth!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by jcantre View Post
                      I started dialysis February 2018 and I'm in stage 5. I'm beginning to understand what going on. My latest challenge is phosphorus. I don't know how to use my binders. I also have extreme itching. I'm 78 years old and a transplant isn't possible.
                      I am on Auryxia 10 piils per day. Used to take Renvella but Auryxia works better for me. I find the low phosphorous diet to be my biggest challenge. (on dialysis since Jan 2016. I have first been on hemo, then peritoneal and now back to hemo with an AV graft.) This Av graft for me is the best. Anyway back to phosphates. I don't eat processed foods anymore. VERY little cheese and usually one slice of Sargento ultra thin slices. Proteins have natural phosphates. I only use Almond milk (unfortified). I read ALL labels because phosphates are sneaky and can show up anywhere. I have lost 34 lbs so far and many of my health problems are lessening. I am no longer on any blood pressure pills. I have to prepare everything from scratch, no more lunchmeat. I take my binders just as I eat a meal or if I have a snack I take one then. Your nutritionist should be able to help you. Good luck. I will be 74 next month.

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                      • #12
                        I have Stage 4 kidney cancer which Iíve been dealing with for 7 years now. I know! The chemo is working so far! After my cancerous kidney was removed, we discovered that was the functioning kidney. So after several years of fighting off dialysis with careful diet & medication, Iím now on in-center hemodialysis. I try to use the time Iím stuck there to my advantage. I read - sometimes educational books, sometimes just fun books. Write emails, text people. I made a list of the TV channel directory for the center since they didnít have one for some reason. I tweet or read forums. Sitting for all those hours and I get VERY antsy - I want to get up & move. But I think itís also good discipline. Thereís really no choice but to think how to make the best use of that time. But from time to time *****ing about it is necessary too.

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