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Cant take it anymore

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  • #31
    I know how you feel like all of us is it hard. The first 3 years I would cry my self to see every night. After treatment could not function. One day my PD nurse told me to try peritoneal dialysis I reluctantly said yes. It is the best thing that has happened to me in5 years.it is a God send for me. So try to talk to you're PD Nurses how know it might be better for you God Bless

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    • #32
      hi I am new to dialysis and some people same when you get a fistula put in your arm they insert the needles into a port instead of going into your arm everytime can someone help clear this up and is it safe.

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      • #33
        I've been on dialysis for 14yrs I have seen people run atleast 6mi a week on dialysis weight lift, myself I cut grass in the summer even after treatment so it's really a mind set you look to be tired after treatment cause that's what the talk about but I have witness different. I have had to run dialysis in Florida last year and going to do it again in April . Hope this give you some good insight about your treatment. Feel free to ask me anything about my experience

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        • #34
          I feel ya. I’m 51 and just started PD. Was diagnosed with kidney disease in 2011. And now PD. I still go thru many different emotions, good and bad, but I try to stay positive, but its hard. I was majorly active. In law enforcement fir almost 25 years, traveled a lot, a runner/walker. This disease has kicked my ***. Try to find a important purpose and that might help. My faith helps too. Best wishes.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by lvdizznee View Post
            We are all basically in the same situation - and nothing I did caused my kidney disease. I used to just get up and go - can't do that any more....but to me, dealing with all this nonsense and trying to keep positive is the only way. I wouldn't want to be 6 feet under just b'cuz I have ESRD and didn't opt to do something about it. think of one positive thing a day - I usually joke around with the techs and nurses - and that keeps me going. I've also decided t say hello and goodbye to all the patients when they come in and when I leave. Dialysis sucks, that is true but it is giving me the opportunity to see another sunrise.
            I so much agree that dialysis is a better option than dead. I am grateful that there is a machine that can keep me alive. I will definitely sacrifice a few hours a week to live my life.

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            • #36
              I know being on dialysis is hard but you have to have a positive outlook on life it can always be worse. Just think God has allowed you to be here to give some else encouragement not discouragement smile life is good

              Vanessa

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              • #37
                I am 79 and have been on dialysis for 2 years, type 2 diabetic, now free of insulin. One of my bblood ppressure meds (clonidine) caused my pressure to drop suddenly causing me to fall getting out of the car and breaking the fibula and tibula in my left leg and the ankle on my right leg. After that my dialysis was secondary to the pain i feel learning to walk again. In any case, if I want to live, i will go to dialysis my 3 times a week with no complaints and try to keep smiling and positive. We are avid camper travelevers and i cant get in the motor home. So stuck in Florida full time and no summer up north. But we have a nice pool here to exercise without pain. You can always find a positive for every negative. An antidepressant helps too!!

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                • #38
                  I know how you feel I've been on kidney liver
                  transplant list for 2 yrs and one and a half on dialysis went to my brothers for a week had dialysis 2 times while there so those 2 days were a blur I get tired but I think of all the people and things I'd miss if I didn't go so I go I haven't missed a day since I was on dialysis I just pray for the want to go on and I have it I'll pray for you too

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Duceone21 View Post
                    Im 33 and was diagnosed with end stage kidney failure. One minute im this strong hard working man who everyone relies on for about everything, the next, i was stuck in a hospital for over a month to come home and rely on others. I get up every morning feeling my fistula making sure it still has a thrill, this is my new normal. I look at my arm everyday and it makes me depressed seeing all the needle marks and scars. I walk around with this heavy weight over my shoulders. I think to myself why me? Ive tried to live a healthy life and still this happens to me. There days i can cope with this, but then i go to the store after dialysis and someone asks why my arm is all bandage up and when i tell them why, the look on their faces just darken my days. I get the same responses all the time "oh your so young" "how did that happen? " and i cant even give a explanation. It sucks because i cant live my life how i truly want to. I gotta schedule my life around this awful machine (dialysis). I just came back from Disney world with my wife and daughter and before i even booked my hotel and theme park tickets, i had to find a dialysis center close by my hotel. I cant just jump up and decide to go anywhere. My friends and family would say lets go here for the weekend or take a trip and i gotta see if it corresponds with my treatment days. I hate having this disease hanging over me, im on a kidney transplant list but i feel like im never gona get called. I just cant take it anymore....
                    Hey, I just want to let you know to hang in there. I'm 30, lucky haven't started Dialysis, but get depressed thinking I could be starting it any day! I was born with one kidney, so have struggled my whole life with it. God has a plan and purpose for each of us. We just got to look at the bright side of the day, and take it one day at a time.

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                    • #40
                      You know, life is what you make of it. You can get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and fight for something that makes your life worthwhile, dialysis and all. I spent 8 months out of work and on disability before I found one 'questionable' full time job that worked with my available hours. I must've applied and interviewed at dozens of places during that time, too. Well, that job lasted for nearly 6 months, followed by a 2 month temp job, followed by another 'questionable' job that lasted me 3 years, followed by the one I have now. The hours work, the commute is short, the dialysis center is right on my way home, my dialysis start time is 30 minutes after I leave work, and the pay is decent. I don't get as much sleep as I'd like on weeknights and 3 days a week I don't get dinner until 9 p.m. I take protein supplements, get enough sleep on non-dialysis days, watch my diet, and I can work a fairly vigorous 40 hr work week. If I'd just given up like the OP was doing, I'd be scraping by on $1200/month SS disability.

                      Yes, dialysis will require changes in your life, some not pleasant. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let it run my life.

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                      • #41
                        You know, life is what you make of it...Yes, dialysis will require changes in your life, some not pleasant. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let it run my life.
                        Quoted for truth.

                        About 5 years ago, I landed in the hospital with bladder cancer. Not ever being a smoker, this cancer was attributed to an aniline dye exposure back in the 1970s when I worked my way through college. The large tumor in my bladder had blocked my kidney function and this landed me in dialysis. The cancer metastasized to my right kidney and ultimately both my bladder and kidney were surgically removed. I became a 'professional patient' as I dragged my family through numerous operations, extended hospital stays, an average of 200 medical procedure per year for the last 5 years including chemo and dialysis, and medical costs which now are north of $3 million dollars. During this time the cancer metastasized to some lymph nodes and 3 different doctors all had the same prognosis; a 10% chance of living more than 6 months. Only a last ditch try with a new immunotherapy drug (at $33,800 per dose) proved effective and has blessed me with 'bonus time'.

                        But in many ways this experience has made me a better person and afforded me an opportunity to meet many new, fantastic people. Any cancer diagnosis can cause you to reevaluated your mortality, but living with a really grim prognosis like I was hearing visit after visit, year after year drove me to develop a short term perspective to living. I now live each day like it is my last but learn each day like I will live forever. I also worked on developing an optimistic attitude; any day that I am vertical and dressed is a great day. Each time I hear "Hello, how are you?" I reply "I am amazing".

                        I also learned to develop a different perspective and appreciation towards health care providers. In the beginning I struggled with the fact while my family and myself were dealing with one life changing procedure after another; for the health care providers it was just another day at work. But once I accepted this reality I understood how better to interact with them. For me, there was little value in 'playing the victim' and instead I found that humor was a useful coping mechanism. It was not long before I had custom t-shirts made reading, "Dialysis, damned if you do... Dead if you don't" and another one reading "Cancer, Dialysis...I'm in it for the parking". After all; I have cancer, but cancer does not have me.

                        This medical experience forced me to quit my career but I now work three volunteer jobs; I work on a NIH research team for preventing falls in cognitively impaired adults, I joined the staff of a magazine as the technical editor, and I developed a free hobby website. I have started all of these since I first got ill; the website has become very popular and has received over three million page views. Due to it, I recently received a lifetime award for "for enduring contributions that help guarantee the future of the hobby".

                        Throughout this I have also learned another lesson; I often have little control over what happens. But the one thing that I know for sure that I can control is what happens between my ears.
                        Last edited by 51studebaker; 08-10-2019, 03:40 AM.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by lvdizznee View Post
                          We are all basically in the same situation - and nothing I did caused my kidney disease. I used to just get up and go - can't do that any more....but to me, dealing with all this nonsense and trying to keep positive is the only way. I wouldn't want to be 6 feet under just b'cuz I have ESRD and didn't opt to do something about it. think of one positive thing a day - I usually joke around with the techs and nurses - and that keeps me going. I've also decided t say hello and goodbye to all the patients when they come in and when I leave. Dialysis sucks, that is true but it is giving me the opportunity to see another sunrise.
                          Hello. You have just told my outlook. I am on end stage. People wonder how I can do hemo and still have such a positive attitude. Actually what choice do I have? I am not young but I also know that with no dialysis I would not be long for this world. People say that I am so funny. I say if I didn't laugh I would cry. I much prefer laughing. I have to deal with this because it is my only choice. They tried to do a fistula on me and I thought I would die, I got such a bad case of STEEL that I cried for all the hours of my treatment (4) each treatment. No pain pills, icing or anything would help. They eventually did an AV graft and it turned my life around. My hand is no longer numb. The graft is in my lower left arm where the fistula was supposed to be. Do I like dialysis? No I am not fond of it especially when getting a new person to stick me but mostly I can live with it and am doing well. My health has improved since I have been on dialysis and I am very thankful for that.

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                          • #43
                            We all hate this dreadful disease and how it interrupted our lives. I'm not a quitter at anything do..so I perserver and press toward the mark of the prize.. the prize is living, I can accomplish things I want to do in life.. I just have to focus and keep a positive attitude. We all have our challenges..but my positives are keeping a network of people around me that cheer me on. I get strength from their energy..

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                            • #44
                              I don't like dialysis, it's a challenge. I've learned to key to doing it is a positive attitude. And I'm not a quitter mostly anything I start I try to finish. I'm determined to live my life and not let dialysis define me. Dialysis is just a small fraction of who I am and what I'm about .. it don't define me. Yes I get scared some times even depressed, We are blessed to have this network of people to help s through this. With this /covid 19 it's just one more thing on top another pile of stuff..lol. Me, I rise to the challenge of reclaiming my life.

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