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  • Dialysis and Dating

    I have been single for a couple of years now, and I did the bliond date thing. Maybe it's just me, but whenever I explain about the dialysis and disability, I get either of two reactins. They might just feel sorry for and look at dialysis as a death sentece, or just think since I am on disability, I seem to be helpless. It took me two years to get even close to managing labs (was in denal for a long time). I am just ready to feel "normal" again. If anyone has ANY input (good or bad), I would greatly appreciate it.


    Thank you,

    Natasha C.
    Monroe, NC


  • #2
    Re: Dialysis and Dating

    Natasha, it is hard to be single. It is even harder when people do not understand our situation. I do have a few suggestions.
    1) I would hold off on the "I am on dialysis" speech. Mind you, I am not saying to hide it. I just would not start off with it. Let them see you for you first.
    2) Organize group outings. But make it evenly matched into couples. Example, invite 3 guys and 2 other girls to go bowling. It may turn into three couples!
    3) Find a group to join. Bible study, book club, bike riding group, whatever strikes your interest.
    4) Just spend time going to the places you enjoy. If you like Barnes and Noble, go read a book and enjoy a drink every Tuesday. People take notice to "regulars" You might make a new friend.
    Enjoy yourself. Relax, the right person will come along.

    in center hemo dialysis since May 2009
    Sudden ESRD - non diabetic (but have 2 at home)
    turned down for list "lack of support" WHAT!!! starting over at different transplant center)

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Dialysis and Dating

      Thank you for posting this, I know how you feel! A year ago I found out I had ESRF, but I have somehow managed to stay off of dialysis for now. It has taken me almost a year to come to terms with how my whole life has been turned upside down. Like you I am ready to live life again and not let this hold me back. I too worry about dating and how to deal with telling others what is going on. Some people I thought friends have disappeared after I got so sick, so I was afraid of telling someone I might date what is going on. Some people that know what my illness is think I should not even bring it up unless we (as a couple) start to get serious. To me I find that cold and just wrong to do. I couldn't just spring it on someone after say months of dating.

      OkieCowgirl79, thank you for your suggestions! I like the bookstore one the best, as I love to read!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Dialysis and Dating

        After getting divorced shortly after being diagnosed with CKD I can definitely sypathize with your problem. I used the e-harmoney route because it allowed me to establish myself with the other person and we were able to test the compatibility issue long before we discussed personal issues. I don't mean that I lead them on at any time but I saw no reason to blurt out anything prematurely. Usually the scenario ran llike this. First you made contact through the web site and answered questions frm which you began to get a feel for the other person. Then if everything there was fine you eventually met at a public location for a coffee to test the waters so to speak. If all was successful the first date comes up and this is when you start to explore the more detailed aspects of what a relationship would entail. You simply begin by explaining what the condition is and your adjustment to it and if that person is a match for you they will usually commit to at least a few meetings to test their reaction. I met a total of seven very nice people in this manner and had one short term relationship one medium term relationship and am now engaged to the third person. However even those relationships that didn't make the grade failed on points totally unrelated to CKD. You owe it to yourself to try... you can be happy I know because I am. Good luck to you I know you will beat these seemingly daunting obstacles
        Dave

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        • #5
          Re: Dialysis and Dating

          I know someone posted b4 about starting a ckd dating website-I think it would be a great hit!!
          ckd,stage3,due to birth defect/refulx,controlled b/p

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Dialysis and Dating

            I have come to terms with my situation and being single, 44 yrs young i get a little lonely at times but my cat keeps me company. It is easier than a relationship and having to worry or be worried about by someone else. I go out and have a good time, it's all good. I enjoy being at home and its not so bad anymore.
            MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT YOU GOT, BE HUMBLE AND REMEMBER, IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE.

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            • #7
              Re: Dialysis and Dating

              When it comes to dating, some say not to mention your dialysis. Allow some time for your date to get to know you first and then tell them your a dialysis patient. The other suggestion is to be up front right away and explain that your a dialysis patient. Well either way most people are shallow when ever it comes to someone in our situation. It doesn't matter weather you explain how long one can survive on dialysis. They just don't want to deal with it. I myself have explained that I'm a dialysis patient right from the start and those who still hung around after that became very good friends of mine. Some turned into relationships but didn't work out due to differences but still remain friends. So I guess what I'm trying to say is don't bother with those ignorant people who think that there life will be hell with you because of your dialysis. Why on earth would you want to know someone like that anyway? In due time you will come across a few decent human beings worth knowing.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Dialysis and Dating

                Natasha, don't give up. I started PD in 2008. I met a guy right after that. He was very sweet. We are from a small town where everybody knows everybody and their business!!! He and I started dating. In September of that year-he asked me to marry him. We married in December of 2008. I couldn't be happier. He helps me with everything. He worries more about what I'm doing than I do.Hang in there-the right person will come along.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by TASHKINS View Post
                  I have been single for a couple of years now, and I did the bliond date thing. Maybe it's just me, but whenever I explain about the dialysis and disability, I get either of two reactins. They might just feel sorry for and look at dialysis as a death sentece, or just think since I am on disability, I seem to be helpless. It took me two years to get even close to managing labs (was in denal for a long time). I am just ready to feel "normal" again. If anyone has ANY input (good or bad), I would greatly appreciate it.


                  Thank you,

                  Natasha C.
                  Monroe, NC

                  How lonely I was. But my friend got tired of looking at me in such a state and suggested a fine dating site datemyage.com. First of all, you need to select and upload your photo to the server, which will attract. You then need to provide your personal information, which usually includes age, marital status, hobbies, interests, and more.

                  Comment

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