Close Mobile Navigation

Announcement

Announcement Module
Collapse
No announcement yet.

Jokes

Page Title Module
Collapse
X
Conversation Detail Module
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • bdodsworth123
    started a topic Jokes

    Jokes

    My doctor said I need to watch how I eat. Now I eat all my meals in front of a mirror.

    Yuk yuk.

  • jfar
    replied
    Men love to play ball games all their lives.
    In their 20's it's football.
    In their 40's, they play tennis.
    In their 60's it's golf.
    Have you noticed the older they get, the smaller their balls get?

    Leave a comment:


  • jfar
    replied
    Men should be making the coffee.
    The Bible says so: He brews.

    Leave a comment:


  • Pinkyz9
    replied
    JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED!!!! I laughed so hard that I cried!! Thank you all for the boost!!

    Leave a comment:


  • stumpr54
    replied
    What's the difference between God and doctors? God doesn't think he's a doctor.

    Leave a comment:


  • rickster12
    replied
    Doctor told me I had six months to live. I said Doc, I can't possibly pay your bill in that amount of time! Doctor gave me another six months.

    Leave a comment:


  • patrickduff
    replied
    Hahahaha...Nice Jokes

    Refreshed my mind.

    Leave a comment:


  • Morkal85
    replied
    Originally posted by Marina View Post
    HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
    1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of man's used size 14-16 work boots.
    2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine
    3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
    4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

    Bubba,

    Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
    Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mail man this morning and
    messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
    from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

    Better wait outside. Be right back.

    Cooter
    Now there are many companies that offering the security system that are easy to install and you can do it yourself.But some of them are really difficult to install because they have a lot of wiring and other things that make it complex.But what you think which will be the best?
    http://www.yellowpages.com.au/qld/ka...6-listing.html
    Last edited by Morkal85; 10-30-2013, 02:55 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Marina
    replied
    Re: Jokes

    Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde.

    The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

    The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

    By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''

    Leave a comment:


  • Tonia
    replied
    Re: Jokes

    Leave a comment:


  • synny
    replied
    Re: Jokes

    A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, "Hmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."


    Enjoy

    Leave a comment:


  • synny
    replied
    Re: Jokes

    A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

    Leave a comment:


  • Marina
    replied
    Re: Jokes

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the
    door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past
    three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he
    thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you
    going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of
    bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man
    standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize
    the man was drunk.

    "Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?"

    "No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man
    and slams the door.

    He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she
    says:

    "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke
    down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the
    baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us
    started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get
    lost??"

    "But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

    "It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would
    be the Christian thing to help him."

    So the husband got out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
    He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere
    he shouts:

    "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out
    "Yeah, please."

    Still being unable to see the stranger he shouts again "Where are
    you?"

    And the stranger replies: "Over here... on your porch swing."

    Leave a comment:


  • Marina
    replied
    Re: Jokes

    Kids on Dating and Marriage

    How Do You Decide Who To Marry?
    You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10

    No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. GOD decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10

    What Is The Right Age To Get Married?
    Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. --Camille, age 10

    No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. --Freddie, age 6

    How Can A Stranger Tell If Two People Are Married?
    You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8

    What Do You Think Your Mom And Dad Have In Common?
    Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8

    What Do Most People Do On A Date?
    Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --Lynnette, age 8

    On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

    What Would You Do On A First Date That Was Turning Sour?
    I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. --Craig, age 9

    When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
    When they're rich. --Pam, age 7

    The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. --Curt, age 7
    The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

    Is It Better To Be Single Or Married?
    I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. --Theodore, age 8

    It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9

    How Would The World Be Different If People Didn't Get Married?
    There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --Kelvin, age 8

    How Would You Make A Marriage Work? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. --Ricky, age 10

    Leave a comment:


  • Marina
    replied
    Re: Jokes

    I JUST HAD TO SEND THIS. IT'S TRULY HEARTWARMING !

    When we get older we think differently, don't we? This letter was sent
    to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon
    for the aged. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as
    a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit
    to all humankind.

    Dear Kean Elementary:

    God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
    citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for
    the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and
    it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for
    your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has
    always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never
    let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

    The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot
    of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the
    broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of
    answering my prayers.

    She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my a*s.

    Thank you for that opportunity.

    Sincerely,
    Agnes

    Leave a comment:

Back to Top
Working...
X