Really Tired and Lost

[Mark6147]

My mother just turned 77. She has been living with kidney disease for years but really hasn't taken care of herself. Called 911 week before last because she looked like she was having a seizure. Went to ER and they sent her home with a diagnoses of muscle spasms. Took her to the foot doctor because she had a spot come up on her ankle and wouldn't heal. She felt very bad last Thursday and the nurses told me that I needed to take her to see someone. Being the ER is in the same building as the Wound Care doc we went there AGAIN. This time she was diagnosed with complete kidney failure and was put on dialysis. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but she can be very difficult. I am on disability due to am auto accident in 1987. In past 2 years suffered chronic infection due to bad hip and also had a quad heart bypass last year. To give you an idea of how the past 50 years have gone, Monday she tells me to write my brother a check so he will have gas money, my 55 year old brother who works and she hasn't seen in over a year. Tuesday afternoon she was asking me about what I had spent. I told her that I purchased her robes on her card and that I put $60 in gas in my car. She went NUTS. Now I have 5 brothers and sisters and only 1 helps out and she is also on disability with about 20 serious surgeries under her belt and about to undergo 2 more. She suffers daily also from an auto accident. WE are the 2 who are ALWAYS here to help. The rest show up to clear their conscience on her birthday etc and we usually meet them somewhere. My mother lives with me and I told my sister to watch, she would play me till her dying day. I actually wish I would die before she does. My quality of life is null anyway. I suffer 24/7 with chronic pain as well. They don't care. I ask for help with someone staying with her while she is in the hospital. My other sister, long story even longer since we have seen or talked to her either. I called her and ask for help. She said she would, then the next morning she is conveniently sick. I seriously doubt it. I just feel like I want to lock the doors and not allow them in the house. WHY NOW? THey haven't bothered to visit her when she felt well, why visit when she feels like crap. She will end up giving them everything she has including money, which we need. Since I have to drive her to/from dialysis we need every dime. I know this is a scattered message, but she is still in the hospital, I am so tired I feel sick and just don't know what the right thing to do is. Before my bypass I wouldn't say anything back when they said something negative to me, now its right the opposite, I will tell them off in a heart beat. I need money for extra expenses and haven't a clue where or how to start. I have never had to beg for anyting before. And besides I cant pay it back. Ive gotta buy groceries for her specific diet, everything. I don't even know what Im trying to say. I just need people to comment who have had similar situations and how they handled it As I said, out of 6 kids all except 1 live within an hour here. I know Im not going to get any help and the unfortunate thing is I NEED to see my heart doc and am afraid I am due for more heart surgery. But I cant. Ive ask for help once and wont again. When Im dead and gone she will end up in a nursing home. A place that would kill her in no time. Questions, comments suggestions welcome. Im tired and going to bed. Maybe I can better explain this at a later time Thanks, Mark

[drakelu21]

Like many people, you may be feeling tired and a bit lost right now. It’s hard to know where to turn or what to do. You feel overwhelmed by everything that is happening, but there is one thing that you can do to help yourself: take care of yourself.
octordle nerdle

[leochad]

Your emotions don't define who you are; they fluctuate constantly. gartic phone