I just realized I have been in denial for the last seven years. I refused to except the fact that I have esrd til now. I can no longer pretend and ignore it. I have been so lost and feeling alone all this time. Even though I have a huge supportive family they could never understand the things I was and is going through. Hopefully this web site can help me find solutions to my issues . I'm already feeling better then I did befor and I haven't even talked to anyone yet.
I too am in stage 5. I am married to a counselor and have great church support. I believe you need counseling if you are depressed. I am fortunate to have such great support. A husband of 40 years but also one who knows that the greatest foundation is in God. He supports me and keeps me positive. The more positive I am the more I am able to just live normally accept during my 3 1/2 hours at the center. I read there and don't focus on the machines. I try to help others who are having problems on this site and another. Yes, I am tired on many days but I don't sleep my day away. I crochet, knit, read, and try to exercise as much as possible. My husband supports me by going to the Y three times a week. We have a camper about 20 minutes away on a lake. We go there each weekend in the summer. I am around people who know me and I can have fun with. Would love to do that in the winter too but we then go to movies or other things we like to do. We are going to Branson soon on vacation where I already have the days schedules. I refuse to give in to a disease that I can have some control over. Even when I am tied to the machine, I read to keep myself from realizing that without that I could not exist. Get in a support group around you. I am sure there are churches that will support you with positive support. Your center should have support placesto go to. Please get some help in person and just not on this site. Contact with people is very important.
I have been having a very hard time trying to explain my issues to the social works where I receive my treatment and my family members. It's just hard for me to really explain what it is I'm feeling so I would just give up. Know I'm at a point where I have to seek help somewhere I'm having a hard time finding reasons to continue going to my treatments
There's an old Talk Talk song that goes "Baby, life's what you make it". YOU decide to what extent kidney disease will affect you. Sounds like you're on hemo. If you have the option, I suggest you try PD. I've been on it for three years, and it's a minor inconvenience most of the time. I do it in the morning at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner and at bedtime, but it's only about 20 minutes each time, at home or work, and then I get on with my life as normal. And if you need proof that there are a lot worse things..visit someone with cerebral palsy or severe MS or cancer or ALS or AIDS.
Of course it's totally to be expected to get depressed about the situation, but just keep-a-going and keep active, and make a point of REALLY enjoying the things you enjoy. I find the best thing for being in the dumps is a nice long walk in the woods on a sunny day. "kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight'
I'm having a hard time finding reasons to continue going to my treatments
Being off dialysis for one treatment reminds me why I continue because of how sick I get. No energy at all an the medal taste come right back. PD would be an option as JasonsEdwards stated. That is what I wanted to do but with PKD (polycystic kidneys), and because of the extra weight of liquid added to enlarged kidneys,the PD would cause other problems for me but great for others like you. I knew of a teacher who was on PD and she came to work everyday, looked good, and did an exchange during lunch. Her attitude was positive and she had just lost her husband of many years so she was dealing with that too. She has now received a kidney transplant and retired after I did three years ago. I had thought that was something easy I could have done. Keep finding things each day to dwell on that are positive. A walk in the woods would be great if my ankles weren't so bad but I remember wonderful times in the woods and biking etc with family and friends which makes me feel good(dwell on good memories only). I never dwell on what I can't do. Instead of woods hiking, I go to the Y and do water aerobic walking exercises. I love that time three times a week and feel so good afterwards. Praying you have a better day today. Put depression in the Advanced Search at the top of the page and there are other articles from groups that can help you.
Wow this post hit me like a ton of bricks as that was how I was the first few months after diagnosis. Didn't care any more, didn't even try to follow the diet. Didn't care if a truck hit me. Thankfully I had some good friends who did care and after awhile I did too. Realizing that this isn't the end is the first step and then getting that fight in you is the next.
There are some great ideas here. I went through my depression in my third year of dialysis. I believe everyone goes through this phase on their way to acceptance. I write blog posts specifically for new patients and I wrote specifically about Dialysis and Depression. I also wrote a post about Dialysis and Acceptance. Check it out at www.devonTexas.com. I hope it helps. You're not alone.