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  1. #1
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    Does anyone know the process of death?

    Hi all, I feel like I am in a cloud and know nothing about the end of all this. My last Dr. visit he asked me what trigers my depression and I told him alot of things triger it, and he said you have lived a long life 73 good years right and then he was gone from the room and dodn't give me a chance to respond to it all.
    Am I perinoid or what? I have an appointment with him in 2 weeks and plan on discussing this but it has bothered me alot. There are alot of you here that give really good advice and I guess I need some. Thank you for listening to me.

    Donna

  2. #2
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    Hello Donna,

    I'm sorry that your doctor did not take the time needed during your visit and I encourage you to write down all your questions and concerns, including that your doctor needs to allocate more time so you have the ability to discuss your condition/care with him/her. You may wish to take someone along with you to your next appointment, who would be there to help you, listen, take notes, or whatever would help you with your aftercare and during your visit. If your doctor does not provide the care that you believe you need, you may wish to explore other options and find another doctor.

    Your doctor should work closely with you to determine that your medical condition is not contributing to the depression and decide if you need medication or counseling to help you through this period and see if they can aid you in getting some relief. If you are religious, you may wish to seek counseling through your church, as another consideration.

    I hope you get the medical attention you deserve and that you feel much better soon!

    My best to you.


    Quote Originally Posted by dj1 View Post
    Hi all, I feel like I am in a cloud and know nothing about the end of all this. My last Dr. visit he asked me what trigers my depression and I told him alot of things triger it, and he said you have lived a long life 73 good years right and then he was gone from the room and dodn't give me a chance to respond to it all.
    Am I perinoid or what? I have an appointment with him in 2 weeks and plan on discussing this but it has bothered me alot. There are alot of you here that give really good advice and I guess I need some. Thank you for listening to me.

    Donna

  3. #3
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    For what it's worth... I went through some similar feelings when the absolutely overwhelming Tsunami of the reality of my predicament hit me and I went into depression. I'm on the other side of it... mostly... but the realities of dealing with major organ failure are always at my bedside. I don;'t know if you've read my posting about Dialysis and Depression but perhaps it will help.

    I won't sugar-coat things because what we have to deal with is tough. But I look around and I'm fortunate compared to many others. I was also helped by the fact that there are people who have been on dialysis for 30+ years and are active and productive. You are only tethered to the machine for a portion of your life and there are many other hours you're free to live a typical life as you did prior to dialysis. In that regard, we dialysis patients are very fortunate. Perhaps looking at things to get involved with and being around others would help.

    I hope this was helpful. I really do know what you're going through!

    (My eyes are not good today so please forgive any errors)

    Devon
    Fistula - March 2008
    Began Dialysis - August 2008
    Fistula Revision - Feb 2011

    Dialysis Patient Citizens, Patient Ambassador
    NW14 ESRD Network, Patient Advisory Committee Member
    CDC Infections Control Discussion Panel Member
    National Kidney Foundation Peer-to-Peer Mentor

    Blog: www.DevonTexas.com

  4. #4
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    Thank you for answering my post, I may be asking for to much. I am a christian and have total belief in my Lord and we talk daily and I am not affraid of death at all it is not knowing the process I will go through getting there. I have never known anyone personally with this desease or anyone that has seen or knows what a patient goes through, I am not sure of anything past your numbers are good, you are doing ok and I will see you next month. i guess I want to know whats next or what to expect. I like my doctor and and the staff is all great and we are a small town and only have one Neph. clinic and he is the doctor assigned to the PD unit, He just caught me off guard last visit and I won't drop my guard again.
    Again thank you for anawering my post.

    Donna

  5. #5
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    Donna,

    Maybe we are not answering the question that you are really posing, which is about dying and not about the depression. If you want to know about the dying process you should ask your healthcare provider or social worker for assistance so they can help you get answers to your questions. Hospice is also a wonderful organization that helps patients/families prepare for end of life decisions and they would certainly be able to provide you with information and support. I am sure your priest/pastor can also be of immense help and support for you as well.

    If you are doing physically okay, other than the depression, this could be causing you to worry more about the end of life process and I think we are trying to approach it from the other direction and let you know that you may feel much better if your depression were addressed first. I am sure you have many reasons and people to live for, Donna! Tell your doctor you need help with the depression. If he is unable to help you, ask him/her who you could contact that can help.

    Please let us know how you are doing.

    My best to you.


    Quote Originally Posted by dj1 View Post
    Thank you for answering my post, I may be asking for to much. I am a christian and have total belief in my Lord and we talk daily and I am not affraid of death at all it is not knowing the process I will go through getting there. I have never known anyone personally with this desease or anyone that has seen or knows what a patient goes through, I am not sure of anything past your numbers are good, you are doing ok and I will see you next month. i guess I want to know whats next or what to expect. I like my doctor and and the staff is all great and we are a small town and only have one Neph. clinic and he is the doctor assigned to the PD unit, He just caught me off guard last visit and I won't drop my guard again.
    Again thank you for anawering my post.

    Donna

  6. #6
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    I was going through letters and photographs that my mom left behind (she died in 2003, and had the same hereditary kidney disorder I have), and found a letter that her mother wrote her concerning her father's death from kidney failure in 1950. She wrote this letter some time after my mom's kidneys failed in the late 1980's, probably because my mother needed to know her father's medical history (her parents were divorced, and she had no idea that her father actually died from kidney failure). In this letter, she writes in some detail about the one visit she had with my grandfather when he was in the hospital for the last time, about 2 weeks before he died. He was hospitalized for probably the last 6 weeks of his life.

    My grandmother wrote in some detail about his greyish, sickly appearance, and his inability speak coherently for any extended period (she, in fact, commented that he looked like he was drunk..), but I'm fairly certain this was because they had him heavily medicated. My grandmother was always the type to cut through the crap, so she picked up the clipboard and read the doctor's notes. On the notes, along with such things as a 'do not resuscitate' order was the following comment: "patient WILL waste."

    Now, this is from the recollections of a woman about 40 years after it happened, but I'm fairly certain that the process is about the same today.

  7. #7
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    Donna,

    People in third world countries who do not have enough food and water also waste, as will your dog or child, as will people who are succumbing to their illness. It is normal for individuals to lose interest, not eat or drink and become pallor and non-responsive and/or talking to people that are not there, when they are nearing the latter days, which can be lengthy or short. I personally think you should visit with people who have experience with the dying process and can relieve your anxieties and concerns by giving you the proper information, delivered in a respectful way.

  8. #8
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    I have Faith.
    I also have faith (lol alittle humor this morning). I have alot of reasons to live and I will do whatever it takes to stay alive and well, Please rest assured I am not, never have been, nor ever will be suicidal. I have an awesome husband of 37 years 4 wonderful children and several grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. I think I really want some idea of what they will see me go through and or will need to help me through, as I said much earlier I am 73 and in pretty good health I have artheritis & heart desease that alot of us all have as we get older, but all controlled as well as possible.I guess i need to quit worrying about whats to come and just enjoy what I have now and let my awesome family handle their part when it gets here.

    Faith Thank You so much, I am fine.

    Donna

  9. #9
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    Hey Donna,

    My primary concern when I respond to a post is making sure I understand what the person is really needing help with and since we are often on the outside looking in, and everyone posts their story/issue in their own unique way, I just try to respond by interpreting the order of importance, based on how I interpret it to be written by the author. Which sometimes can be way off, but that is why so long as the person continues to post to the thread, I will keep trying until I get it right, or the keys on my laptop wear out, whichever comes first.

    That brings me back to my original response because what I understood you to be communicating was that your doctor failed to acknowledge your depression, which minimized the importance it had to you by indicating you have lived a long life and then hurried off before you had an opportunity to discuss your concerns, whether they were about depression, dialysis, death, your visit ended prematurely and that left you with the same or more questions, hurt your feelings and left you guarded. After reading this, I totally considered the thread title " Does anyone know the process of death" might not be what really brought you here at all, so I rated the subject as the number 3 on my priority scale; trying to have you ask your doctor for more of his time to complete your appointment and focusing in on the depression that you are having because that is what your doctor failed to pick up on. I am sorry if you felt I thought at any time you were suicidal, because I didn't, I see an individual trying to deal with current medical conditions, who is trying to seek help from a very busy doctor because you believe you are suffering from depression and were hoping/counting on him for help and unfortunately, you did not receive any. Trying to ensure your affairs are in order is a very smart thing to do and knowing about the final stages removes fear and helps us prepare for our time. I have had a Last Will & Testament, a Directive to Physicians and all my personal/financial affairs in order since my early teens. I recommended Hospice because they focus on the family, providing information about the process in a manner that a person can understand, everything is very age appropriate, and having first hand experience with the dying process, I can say they have done well with how it is presented to children, such as your grandchildren.

    Please, always ask questions and always do your very best to ensure you receive all the answers you deserve as you are ultimately the only one responsible for your well being.

    My best to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by dj1 View Post
    I have Faith.
    I also have faith (lol alittle humor this morning). I have alot of reasons to live and I will do whatever it takes to stay alive and well, Please rest assured I am not, never have been, nor ever will be suicidal. I have an awesome husband of 37 years 4 wonderful children and several grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. I think I really want some idea of what they will see me go through and or will need to help me through, as I said much earlier I am 73 and in pretty good health I have artheritis & heart desease that alot of us all have as we get older, but all controlled as well as possible.I guess i need to quit worrying about whats to come and just enjoy what I have now and let my awesome family handle their part when it gets here.

    Faith Thank You so much, I am fine.

    Donna

  10. #10
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    ya i feel sorry for you there is nothing permanent for dialysis. its our big problem .nothing to do .does our scientist fail to make any single medicine without any transplant .

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