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  • Is asking for a kidney transplant begging?

    Hello: Everyone

    My husband finally got the clearance for the kidney transplant from the kidney transplant center and his insurance. As well, finally got on the list. At this moment, we are waiting to hear from his brother if he is willing to give the kidney transplant? I did mention to my husband we could ask family and friends who might be willing to be a donor to him but he right away says "he is not going to beg for the kidney" I told him I don't think is begging but wanted to know what else could I tell my husband? Any advice?

    Thank you, Jessica

  • #2
    Hi Jessica,

    Just read this now, hoping you do see it I am in the same boat. I just was added to the transplant list March 27. They said I should ask people to be tested. However what I did was I threw out how to get tested. I put the information out there and if anyone had any questions to ask. I didn't feel comfortable asking anyone to as I personally felt that is not only a decision that that person needs to make on their own, I also feel (my opinion only) that the thought to do it should also be theirs. I mean I'm not exactly asking someone to borrow $5 for a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread! It is up to you what you are comfortable with, but no there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking, though I understand being hesitant.

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    • #3
      Every kidney transplant program has a living donor transplant coordinator who has expertise in these matters. These individuals can provide counseling and literature to prep you for those conversations with potential donors. If it were only a matter of compatibility testing, transplant surgery and recovery donating a kidney would be a breeze.

      The living donor process can be rife with complex emotional and psychological issues. Potential donors that are rejected because of findings during the testing process may feel guilt. The donor and recipient can feel guilt if the transplanted kidney doesn't survive the "average" life expectancy for a living donor kidney.

      Viewing a living donor request from the most pessimistic of lenses finds the requestor simply saying that my current life style with kidney disease/kidney failure/living on dialysis is difficult/restrictive/medically challenging, and with a donated kidney I can enjoy greater life style freedom and a fuller and perhaps longer life. The potential donor has to want all these benefits for the recipient and firmly believe that the recipient is more than worthy of same. It is an opportunity to help mitigate or eliminate what could be a sizeable measure of human suffering and in its place restore a return to mostly normal day to day living. I believe that the age of the donor recipient should play a major role in this "equation". There is a big difference in the amount of living that a 20 to 40 year old has ahead of them compared to a 50 to 70 year old.

      As a successful HHD patient (work full time and live actively), who is currently listed on two kidney transplant programs (3+ years), I have mostly rejected any thoughts of living donation. That hasn't stopped my Living Donor Coordinator from meeting with me and sending me literature - "Sharing Life, A Guide to Living Donor Kidney Transplantation". The skepic in me sees his efforts as a means of drumming up business for the hospital, e.g. two major surgeries compared to a single major surgery with a cadaver kidney, and a way to justify his job. The fellow is a 10 year dialysis nurse veteran and he certainly saw his share of patients suffering with kidney failure and the challenges of 3X per week in center hemodialysis, thus his career change.

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      • #4
        i put it out there on Facebook. i got my live donor. he is the husband of my daughters school friend. he got the blood test and he is a perfect match! im scheduled for the transplant this fall. dont feel like you are begging, you are fighting for your LIFE!!!!

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        • #5
          I do not have a support person . Are there any services in. North Carolina for one?

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