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  • Never to bare children ;(

    So I recently joined to try to find out how to deal better with living with CKD with Kidney Stones. The thing is you never really are prepared for everything that can go along with a chronic disease. My husband and I have always wanted children but we recently had to make the decision to have my fallopian tubes removed and have ablation done to stop me from ever getting pregnant. When I first was diagnosed with CKD 3 years ago it had been a fight to find out what was wrong. That fight had been an almost 2 year process. After those two years of being in constant pain I ended up losing my right kidney. It was in complete failure and had already cause carry over loss to the remaining left kidney. We were told that it would be a life long journey but it was something that if we fought we could live through. During my last major appointment my husband and I had been trying to become pregnant when we were informed that carrying a child would not be something was possible anymore. We were told that with the amount of stones I pass, the strength of my kidney, the risk of a stone becoming lodged, and the medications that I need to remain on for the life of my remaining kidney that I wouldnít just put a baby at risk that I would be putting my own life at risk too. We made the only decision that was safe for us all and I have a surgery scheduled to have my fallopian tubes removed and ablation surgery in a few weeks. The thing is I feel like my heart is being ripped out! We have always wanted children and now knowing I can never give my husband biological children is heartbreaking. We know and plan on adopting but it still so hard of a choice and such a final chapter of our lives. After the surgery there is no going back, EVER, it done, over, finished. My parents have been with us 100% every step of the way but my husband family is not. They donít believe adoption makes that child part of the family, are not supportive in any way, and we have made the decision at this point to not tell them the nature of my surgery. I know this is breaking my husbandís heart also but he is staying so strong. We are extremely lucky to have a happy strong marriage and lean on each other through the hard times, laugh through the good, and be blessed with each day together. I guess I just need to grieve for the loss of the child I will never bare. I just feel my heart keeps breaking and donít know what to do.

  • #2
    I am sorry for your loss. It is indeed a loss to have to give up your plans and dreams. Really by making this difficult decision you have shown what a great mother you are. Best of fortune with your adoptions and your family.

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    • #3
      Mrshoskins,

      I am truly hope you find your way to happiness through this tough decision and challenge you all are facing.

      Not to be insensitive to your decision but have you and your husband considered a surrogate? It is an option to possibly think about. You & your husband's fertilized embryo carried by a surrogate will still give you your own beautiful biological child through surrogacy.

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      • #4
        I guess I should have included in my message that I am unable to be on hormones, especially estrogen as it is found to be hard on the kidney. With that being said I would be unable to take the hormones needed to harvest my eggs for a surrogate to use. It was something that we talked to my team about but seeing that I only have on kidney and itís in stage 2 CKD with a large amount of stone produced they are worried about it shocking the kidney and causing further damage. I know there is a rainbow at the end of this storm itís just hard right now to see past the heartache.

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        • #5
          My heart goes out to you. I have a huge family and am now 83 years old, having reared 5 children and losing 1 to a heart condition when she was a 10 month old. Loss is always hard, but i found the growth they say comes with pain by being more open to the needs of those in my daily life. Remembering that those who serve us in our pain also have pains themselves that they push aside in service to us. I am grateful to those at DaVita who offer of themselves every day. Remember you are a blessed person in having the love of a man who stands by your side and shares your grief.

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          • #6
            Your story just breaks my heart. I truly hope that you can have time and space to grieve your loss and that whatever decisions you make in the future still bring you and your husband happiness. I so appreciate you sharing your struggle and pain. I was diagnosed with CKD 6 years ago and since then my numbers have gone up and down as I have gone through multiple (fortunately, lower) stages of the disease. While my case is not as severe as yours, I have been told by multiple doctors that it would be a likely risk to my child's life and my own if I were to get pregnant. This news came over ago now and yet I still cannot find it in me to go through with a permanent birth control option. I feel like this grief keeps coming in waves and never ends. When I see friends having kids, when I attempt to look into adoption, when people try to console me...it just still hurts. And part of me feels so silly for grieving something I never had. I guess what I'm trying to say is you're not alone and thank you for sharing your experience and your feelings. I joined this site in part to see if other women have faced similar difficulties. It helps to know I'm not alone

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            • #7
              A poster who only posted twice, 2.5 years ago is unlikely to still be coming to this forum.

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              • #8
                dac0214 you are probably right. We can't be the only two who feel like this though. My hope was to bring this post back and see if any other women have similar stories to share.

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