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  • #16
    Wow just hearing all that i need to step back and think bout whT im doin wrond

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    • #17
      I'm the caregiver in my house. I'm the dialysis patient,: two transplants and a total of 16 years on dialysis (last three on PD, thank goodness). I have two kids at home for the summer. My wife works 10 hour days as a nurse - I think she prefers being at work to being home. There's something you folks might find interesting, maybe even helpful, for your situation. Depression and anger seem to be easier to access when I'm on dialysis. It's as though they live at the top of my spine and come and go through my outward behavior as they please. Even though PD has been a blessing, I stare at those damn boxes in our foyer every day. I think, "I'll go do something," and then realize it's time to set up the machine again. Or it's time to hang a manual bag ... again. Caregivers, I strongly urge you to soften your approach towards your angry dialysis patients. I have been trying to get my wife to soften her approach for years, but can't seem to get the words out right. I'm afraid to ask for anything really, I mean I have already asked her to live with a guy on dialysis. If not for our love prior to my kidney failure, I'm not sure how I'd have a wife. Imagine, for a moment, me asking a woman out! When would I do that? Some people here have said, "walk away." Perhaps in some situations, that's what a person would have to do. But try to remember - when you walk away, you are doing something dialysis patients CANNOT do. We cannot walk away, ever. Tell your angry man, or woman, that you love them. Don't wait for him to say "Happy Anniversary," say it to him! As caregivers, I think the hardest but most important thing to do is to be proactively loving. All the rest, the health stuff, will work itself out.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by veritat View Post
        Can relate. My husband is not physical, but verbally he can be insulting, disrespectful, very angry in the snap of a finger, as well as putting me down. In the same token, he has been second guessing himself about things I KNOW he knows. He has worked on cars forever, now he keeps saying I don't know how to do it, but I know he does, he also puts himself down. He's a good person going through a huge change, he needs to remember that I am also going through that change too, if in a different way.

        I totally feel what you are going through. my husband has ESRD and has basically been in a depression about what he is going through since it started back in June 2011. I try to get him to understand that I am going through this also, just not like how he is, but I guess it doesn't matter. he says I do not support him enough or at all. I try to, without being a nagging wife, but I guess it doesn't help. this is my first time on here also and talking with other's might be helpful for me and him.

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        • #19
          Hi, KimberlyW. Welcome to the myDaVita community! I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. Many members here have gone through/are going through similar things. It can be especially tough on the spouses and family members of those with CKD. I hope you'll find this community to be a great support system to you, and can get the advice you need. Please feel free to reach out to me with any questions or concerns!

          Your Community Manager,
          Caitlyn
          Originally posted by KimberlyW View Post
          I totally feel what you are going through. my husband has ESRD and has basically been in a depression about what he is going through since it started back in June 2011. I try to get him to understand that I am going through this also, just not like how he is, but I guess it doesn't matter. he says I do not support him enough or at all. I try to, without being a nagging wife, but I guess it doesn't help. this is my first time on here also and talking with other's might be helpful for me and him.

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          • #20
            In our house I am the dialysis patient (soon to be) but it is my husband who is reacting with anger and insults and threats of violence. It is depression and should be treated as a separate condition. In men depression shows up as anger that they can't control. My husband finally got the help he needed and a therapist and meds so he could come to grips with his fear of my condition and losing me. We have been married 36 years and because I suffer from depression I was able to weather his storms because I know how it feels to not want to yell, get angry, cry or think thoughts you have no control over. I could never walk away from a partner who is facing both depression and dialysis. They can be impossible to talk to because everything you say seems to make them madder, but if you care don't give up. Once John got the right meds and a professional to talk to he changed 180 degrees and now we can discuss his fears and I can at last help him understand what we can expect with my illness. Maybe someone on the kidney team can determine if his depression is bad enough for treatments.

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            • #21
              I know when I first got sick I was miserable-my husband who is Saint kept having talks with me about my attitude sometimes it helped sometimes it didn't. I know I went into deep depression thank god I had a lot of friends but I did end up going to a psychiatrist and went on a medication called lexapro to help calm my nerves. It helped. I ended up having a transplant from my brother but just lost it this past July so back dialysis. I just look at is as if I'm going to watch a movie play some games and leave. I do all my finances here and all my calls so u can keep busy.

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              • #22
                My Dad is on dialysis, my mom is anorexic. I live 250 miles away. I prepare and freeze meals, deliver them every 2-3 weeks, perfectly portioned, separated by waxed paper: him more, her less. My Dad is NOT gaining weight, which means she is not giving him the correct portion that I make. He is underweight and not gaining weight. He knows about "her issue" but won't tell her to feed him more. That's his fault. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience with this?

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